The Toilet Crisis
by Black Mage Dad
Summary: If you are squeamish, please do not read. *wink*


The Toilet Crisis  
  
One day Severus was walking along the railroad tracks listening to "Welcome to the Machine" by Pink Floyd when he smelled something foul. The year was 1975 and Severus was in his fifth year at Hogwarts. This was a really bad year considering an explosion in the potions classroom had caused all the toilets to go out. Snape, for embarrassment's sake, had held it in every day until after school in which he would go in the many rosebushes outside which he would later blast away with his wand in the year 1994. The next sight he saw was not a pretty one.  
  
Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black all had their pants down and they were dispensing their leftovers on the railroad tracks (when we say dispensing we mean it). Now little Severus knew he should've ran but he decided to throw rocks at them instead. "Take that you miserable railroad crapping bastards!" he screamed. The four took no notice of this and continued to sing their song "I've Been Crapping on the Railroad!"  
  
Remus chuckled and said to James "They don't call me Moony for nothing,"  
  
James looked over at Sirius and said "I think I'm constipated,"  
  
Severus decided to break this sick silence by screaming "Hey! Pettigrew! You great fat shit!"  
  
Peter looked at Severus and said "Geez, I think I hear a chipmunk talking!"  
  
Severus snarled and said "I have seen the future and little do you know that you will be missing an important ligament for much of your life!"  
  
Peter laughed and said "I've seen the future too and if you meant my finger than I do not give a crap!"  
  
Severus looked startled but countered with "I meant your~"  
  
"Not my hand!" Peter yelled. "I already knew about that!"  
  
"I wasn't talking about your hand," Severus said slapping his ass. Severus smiled. "But I really did see the future and you will be spending twelve years of your life stuck in rat form with a poor little red head!" he slapped his ass again. Then he turned to Remus and said "You will be graying early you dork!" then he turned to Sirius and said "You will spend twelve years in prison and then find yourself eating rats and choking helpless animals with tomatoes!"  
  
Peter looked over at Sirius in disgust. "You will be eating rats! You have insulted my honor! I challenge you a duel or you can apologize. Either will work,"  
  
"I am not quite in the position to duel!" Sirius yelled.  
  
Snape turned to James and said "You will be blown to bits but not before you have a sad assed kid whom I will torture for seven years! Oh yeah," he slapped his ass.  
  
Severus then smiled an evil grin. "Sirius will also disobey orders by Dumbledore and kill James." there was a nerve-racking silence. Severus began to laugh maniacally.  
  
"I'm done," James said coldly. He stood up and grabbed his pants and walked off.  
  
"Severus, you great fat shit! How could you hurt his feelings like that?!" Remus screamed.  
  
"What?" Severus said startled. "What feelings? His passion for crapping on other people's railroads?"  
  
"I think you are an asshole!" Peter screamed. "Just like the one which is dispensing my dinner on the railroad!"  
  
"God, what'd you eat? A house? I'm sorry but I think your ass is stretched for life. You couldn't even fix that with surgery!" Severus slapped his ass.  
  
Then James came back. "Can I borrow your record?" he asked, carrying a turntable with him (his pants still down). "Pink Floyd rules!"  
  
"Um, after you put your pants back on, wash your hands," Snape said.  
  
"Okay," James said running back to the castle with his pants still down. At that moment, Dumbledore walked around the hedge carrying a newspaper with him.  
  
"Oh, sorry," he said, blushing furiously.  
  
Snape decided to blast his turntable. The Pink Floyd music blasted extremely loud to "We don't need no education! We don't need no self control! Hey, teacher leave them kids alone!"  
  
This gave Dumbledore such a start that he pissed in his pants. Dumbledore cringed and said "uh oh," Then he ran from the bushes.  
  
From where they were (two-hundred meters away) they heard an explosion which could've shaken a subway station. Then they heard an "OH! I should not have eaten chili last night!"  
  
The four remaining people stared at each other wide eyed and shocked letting by-gones be by-gones.  
  
Remus stood up and pulled up his pants. "I have a camera," he said excitedly. With that, they ran off to go take pictures.  
  
Dumbledore was scarred for life.  
  
The End?  
  
A/N: We know this is really....gross, but who the hell cares? We don't own any of this HP crap, just so you know. 


End file.
